Those who use, those who can't

So, lets get a little hard core with blog number two and speak about drugs.

The thing about drugs, and the reason we use them, is that people make them sound fun. No, don't argue, it's true. It's advertisement.
As with everything in life, if it sounds nice, we'll have it. Fashion, food, movies, the whole nine yards. And drugs are the same.

So, since I was just a human being and was a crude to trust my friends maybe a little more than I should have, I recently took a deathly plunge. Not really!

But before we get to that, let me give you some background.

I have this friend who is open about everything. She never makes anythingsound better than it is. She is also one of the few people ho I have found that evaluates you as a person before giving you advice. She never just says what is plainly on her mind. She thinks, considers, rethinks and gives you advice, that suits the person you are before she lets you make the decision. She won't go “oh that horror movie was fantastic,” when you get anxiety attacks from watching that genre of movies.
SO when said friend says, don't do meth, you shouldn't.

But after meth was promoted (see the advertisement) as being such a fun drug, I though why not?

I do have a standing policy about trying everything once. And I did.

Right, so it ws fun. At first. Yes, for the first five hours. And then the dreaded coming-down-while-still-wired hit me. It hit me so hard I thought I was going to die...

It started with hectic nausea. You know when you want to throw up so badly but you cannot,no matter what you do to try and induce it? Yup, that was it.

Then along came the dreaded heart palpitations. I felt like a racehorse gunning for first place. One could literally see my heart beating - my chest moved like there was something alive in there.

And then the extreme tiredness. I was dying to go to sleep, but my body was so awake there was nothing I could do. No amount of trying to sleep was going to help.

Then the exhaustion. Not from being tired, but losing breath from doing anything.

It also made my stomach weird, made me not know whether I was hungry or thirsty (even today) and caused intense pain.

This was worse than the worst hangover. My heart beating at ridiculous speeds made me think it was never going to stop and I got a severe chest pain. This pain was most unpleasantly like a heart attack.

But I did it, survived and can now write about it.

Don't get me wrong, this was my choice. But the thing about drugs is that people (including regular users) never tell you about the personal hell they go through. It might not be prolonged or very bad, but it is left out because the initial wire is so fun.

We should have more people like above mentioned friend. Dead honesty is something one needs, especially when it comes to substances.

Even though the trip/wire/high differs for every person, there is still a set path that every drug wanders down. And it is always necessary to know all the rights, wrongs and possibilities before you walk the white line.



Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power. ~P.J. O'Rourke

~First blog, first love~

When one looks back at your first ever love what does one remember? Do memories of the beginning stages of an intimate relationship even remain with you after the break-up?

It does.

The first love is this whirl-wind of weak knees and nervousness. It's waiting for and counting every second that goes by until you receive the phone call or sms. It's not wanting to put the phone down, but for all practical reasons one must. It's falling asleep while chatting online. And sending little messages so that the other person knows you're thinking of them.

First love is when both sexes make en effort to dress their best for every meeting, no matter how casual it is.

It is cuddling at the movies. It is laughing at every joke, no matter how silly.

First love is being silly and trying to impress the other person, but not wanting to not be yourself.

It is this feeling that, no matter how hard you try, one can never ever explain it.

First love is like those Love Is... posters.
(By Kim Grove and Stefano Casali)

And inevitably the first love will become the one you believe you will spend the rest of your life with...
You feel that your life will be incomplete without the other person. And, in your head, you see the white picket fence.

Sadly enough, all first loves seem to be doomed. It often seems like all the trouble was a big waste of time for something that shatters a couple of months or even a few years down the line.
All your time, effort, petrol, airtime, and just plain TIME TIME is now non-refundable. It has been used, and looking back, it might even seem as if it was abused.

And then the questions remains: Was it worth it?

Was it worth the break-up, the tears, the hatred of yourself and the so-called love of your life? Was it worth your time? Your effort? Your unwavering devotion to the other person? Was it worth it?
Because frankly, I must say one does feel like a pile of glorified elephant shit after it all.

Yes it was, because every person who has experienced and lost their first love will tell you that it was they best love they had ever experienced. A very good friend of mine, Louisa, says that every experience is a growth.
And I myself believe that one always learns things that make you stronger for the next relationship and you also get tools to deal with other break-ups.
Not that I'm saying a break-up is ever easy. Oh god, it's the worst thing in the world. (But we'll get to that (: )

First love lingers with you for your whole life...

Inevitably one needs to grow and as Louisa has told me many times, "despite everything, I still wouldn't change that feeling (of first love) for the world".

“We always believe our first love is our last, and our last love is our first.” - Unknown