Over the hills and far, far away...
For Zara
You know that gorgeous valley that women very often flaunt. The valley of desire and sometimes much frustration?
With the plump hills of seduction that so many crave and that are the catalyst to many adulterated thoughts.
Now I for one admire these. I love the complementing necklines, the beautiful brassieres, the pretty piercings and every now and then the seductive beauty spot. But sometimes I see something else.
An unattractive bulge near the side or a familiar shape. Even a hand reaching inside.
image from: sarees.bz
See, the modern western woman has become accustomed to using her hills of fortune as a holding space, or shall we call it - an extension to their handbag.Quite disconcerting, I'd say. Don't you respect those?
I must say I have seen it all!
Breast for baby
When I still worked in retail a quite attractive woman with a baby once strolled into the shop. I helped her politely, as was my way. Flinched, when baby started to scream.
But handy-mom had a solution. Indeed, she extracted a bottle from neath the hills and stuck it into baby's mouth.
Awe.
That was all I had ~ shear awe. I couldn't believe that one could carry a 500ml bottle of milk under your breast!
Keeping abreast of (shop)lifting
I must say that I doubt there's a better place to hide things, though! One could easily smuggle complimentary alcohol bottles (you know, those tiny ones one would receive when flying business class. Do they still do that, though?).
And if you were to shoplift you could hide something in there quite discretely. (No, my dears, I have not tried!)
But sometimes it gets too much
One morning in a crowded train, I did, however, get the shock of my life. A fairly sturdy (for lack of a better word) woman boarded an already crowded train. There she stood in all her overly curvaceous glory, when in dipped her hand.
What she extracted was NOT what I had imagined! A magazine. Yes, dear readers, she extracted a WHOLE rolled-up magazine from between her cleavage! Where the hell she had hidden it with the much-too tight top she was wearing, I still cannot say.
But it was damn frightening. And when the train came to her station *poof* the magazine did a magnificent disappearing act into the valley. I of course looked at her as if she was a larger-than-life manifestation of a bumblebee, but I could not see a single sign of the magazine that had been there not two seconds ago.
What else?Cellphones, make-up, money (yes, the popular one!), stolen goods, flash drives - you name it, I've seen it arise from the depths of the female valley. Becoming an extension for overflowing handbags, a place to hide valuables from lurking thieves, a fast way to answer a call or pay. (image from: textually.org)
What happened to the classic?
See, I am concerned with this. As a person who readily appreciates what a woman can offer, I truly fear the case of getting jiggy with it, only to have your hand attacked by a stray nail file! Imagine that.
Besides, what would that very hot Versace spring number look like with a rectangular object jotting out from the side?
Think about it before you stow away. You weren't raised in the bush. :)
Dita von Teese for Wonderbra, image from: fadedyouthblog.com
